Alasdair Watson

Feel like I ought to update this thing, but have largely nothing to say. It’s been a nice few days – the heat’s back down a a level fit for people that aren’t made of leftover lizard bits, and there’s a breeze off the river that’s made up for the office’s lack of decent air conditioning. If only it was like this all summer.

Weekend plans call for barbequed meats tonight, drinks with Ross et al tomorrow, and not a lot for Sunday.

Feel like I’m becoming complacent. Nothing new on the horizon, and I’m not too bothered by that fact. I’ve fallen into a comfortable rut. This is usually my cue to do something deeply stupid, so watch this space over the next month or two to find up what inventive scheme I come up with to cause myself work and stress.

There is nothing happening. I demand entertainment. Therefore, in an attempt to entertain myself me, I demand that you reveal unto me your embarassing personal secrets. Or other people’s, I don’t care. Just as long as they’re good. Be as anonymous as you like.

You’ve probably see a few of these before – hell, I may have linked to them myself, but these are the things that are making me laugh by the simple fact of their existence this morning:

• Lava Dome Five – godzilla porn.
• Lords of the Rhymes – Beatbox gollum.
• Vegan Erotica – wherever there’s a sex-niche, there’s someone filling it. A lack of acceptable BDSM gear was not something that has previously occured to me as problem of the vegan lifestyle.

Speaking of getting hold of music – does anyone else out there remember a band from the late eighties/early ninties called The Newcranes? I think they were from the midlands, and I particularly remember a song called “Turpentine” from a mini-album “Frontline”. Can anyone out ther help me? I don’t know if it was ever released on CD – the only listing I can find for it in the UK is as vinyl, although there looks to be a guy in germany selling a CD, only I can’t figure out how to pay him.

I’d really like to get hold of a copy, either on CD or MP3. Can anyone help?

As previously mentioned, I saw T3 last week. It was entertaining enough, but very light, and I felt that the end played badly against the end of T2, which was much stronger, so I left feeling a bit cheated. Lot’s of interesting visual gags and references to the previous films. Good if you’re bored, I guess.

I saw Pirates Of The Carribean: The Curse Of The Black Pearl on Sunday. Must-see movie of the summer, I think. Orlando Bloom is a bit wooden, but pretty enough, whcih is what he’s there for, but Johnny Depp more than makes up for it by being utterly marvellous. People will either want to shag him, or be him, depending on gender of preference. Possibly both, now I think of it. The film is funny, well paced, taught in the right places, and takes itself just seriously enough, which is to say that it’s not afraid to be light, but doesn’t run chasing after every gag, so it all comes together very nicely. Point of interest – the director’s previous film was the (surprisingly well-recieved) American version of The Ring. All in all though: for being based on a Disney ride, this comes out looking very good.

Went to B movie on Friday, finally. Loved it, despite heat and equipment failure. They were very sensibly allowing people to stand out on the street, which was a fine plan, although it did mean I missed a few tracks that would have had me hurling myself for the dancefloor.

The wonders of the modern age mean that after skiming the playlist for a few details, I’ve started hoovering down work by appropraite artists that I liked at the club, quite legally. I know I verge on becoming tedious about mundane trivia like the ability to download MP3s, which is so commonplace nowdays, but I just love the fact that I can do this. Annoyingly, though, Emusic doesn’t have any Reverend Horton Heat, apart from a single track on a Willie Nelson tribute I’ve already downloaded (mostly for Johnny Cash’s brilliant cover of “The Time Of The Preacher”). So, anyone out there got any recommendations for a must-buy Horton Heat album or two, since it seems I must pay actual cash money for some?

London’s first Flash mob took place last night. I wasn’t there, as I was doing Important Research (yeah, OK, I was watching Terminator 3 – it was average) but I’m interested in the phenomenon, which, from where I sit, looks to be largely stillborn.

The point of these things (in so far as they have one) is to introduce a moment of random strangeness into the lives of people observing the phenomenon – a bunch of people doing something faintly surreal, and scattering, leaving nothing more than bemused smiles in their wake. This isn’t going to work, if people spot a crowd of people doing something stupid, and mutter “Oh, another bloody flashmob”.

Which, given the level of media coverage that these events are now getting, is what seems pretty likely to happen. They’re not going to be strange and unexpected, because everyone’s going to have heard of them.

Earlier in the week, I was arguing that these things aren’t just a load of artwank – they’re (theoretically) a way of experimenting with new social technologies, part of a process of acclimatization to new group dynamics spawned by changing methods of communication. A chance for people to adjust to them in play, so that they can use them in seriousness, although I note that the technologies employed by the precursor of this sort of thing, the illegal raves of the eighties and nineties never really got much used outside the chemical scene.

I think I’ll have to amend my position, in light of the media circus, and the sheer pointlessness of forcing a shopkeeper to reopen his shop so that they could go and be “random” in it – neither anonymous, or likely to put a smile on the faces of the passing public, who will almost certainly not have noticed. The notion of a flashmob is an interesting one, full of potential, and not just artwank. But so long as it’s artwankers who organise these things, they’re going to remain a load of luvvie toss.

Assuming the heat doesn’t kill us (and there’s a reasonable chance it will) Fin and I are planning on heading for B-movie tonight. Who else is going?

I’m normally an IP advocate. I like copyright laws. I think they’re a good and necessary thing. Still, I am more than a little frightened by this analysis of IP laws being considered by the EU. If it’s accurate (I’m skimming the EU’s legislation website now, then that’s fucking scary.

Our office has three windows. One of them is looking out onto a nearby building site, from where I can hear a variety of species of drilling going on. Another looks out onto the car park, from where the heat is setting off car alarms every ten to fifteen minutes. From the the third, facing toward Battersea Park station, I can hear the occaisional train announcment – a weird electronic warble of a voice.

This isn’t an office – it’s an experimental dance track. Shortly, I fully expect the people at the nearby gas storage drum to start testing the massive “The gasworks is about to explode” alarm that can be heard for miles around, just for the full-on stadium rave effect.

Human Virus Scanner

Viruses you suffer from:

Sci-fi – Stop wearing the stick-on ears.

Goth – Grow up. Let your roots grow out. Listen to Britney.

Gaming – Life is not a game. Roll 3D6. On a 4 or more go out and do something with your life.

Industrial – Everyone likes folk. No, really. Maybe you should listen to the Incredible String Band.

Discordia – Buy a suit. Invest your money. Eat hotdog buns on a friday.

Politics – Stop caring!

Conspiracy Theory – Face it, the elected government is in control. Actually that’s quite scary.

Viruses you might suffer from:

Linux (80%), Cthulhu (60%), British (85%), Religion (70%), Brand Names (70%), Computer Games (90%), Hippyism (93%), Environmentalism (70%), Macintosh (80%)