Dog Eat Dog



What will your official title be?

Who will be by your side?
Oh, anyone that sounds like fun at the time.

How will those who serve you be rewarded?
There will be special shiny badges. Not unlike the ones found in McDonalds, now I think of it.

How will you punish those who try to stand in your way?
I will make them work in McDonalds.

What monument will you build to your own greatness?
There will be a small, tasteful, statue of me in every household. People will be encourgaed to leave non-biodegradeable offerings at its feet. Once a month, someone will come round a collect the offerings, and bring the more interesting ones to me. Failure to supply interesting offerings will be noticed…


Who will be first up against the wall?
People who are opposed to the welfare state, and people who start sentences with phrases like “But why should I be expected to…”

Who will be next up against the wall if they don’t mend their ways?
People who abuse the welfare state.

What will be made compulsory?
Lizards. Everyone must have a pet lizard. Size to be determined by owner…

What will be banned?
Kittens and puppies.

What music will play to herald the dawning of the new era?
Prince Charming – Adam and the Ants

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