I am rewatching Star Wars: Send In The Clowns, for what might be charitably called “research” purposes. This is painfully fucking awful. Really, really, fucking offensive. And I’ve got the third one to watch yet. I hope my memory is right, and it is slightly better than this…

Never let it be said I can’t take a hint when I’m battered about the head with it. That’s the third time in a fortnight I’ve dreamed about a tattoo I’ve been planning in a vague “well, I know I want it, but there’s no great rush” way for a couple of years. I woke up this morning, looked down at my leg, and something was missing. That’s the point at which I’ve got my other tattoos in the past.

One of the reasons I’ve been putting it off a bit, though is that well, there’s fuck all for the artist to do. It’s a simple Sephiroth design, in black. (The sephira are just going to be empty circles (barring two, one which will have an X through it, and the other will be just a dashed outline) rather than being filled with colours and the paths joining will be blocks of black ink. I have a strict policy of getting monochrome tattoos.)

I kind of feel that turning up with such a geometric outline design is going to be, well, fucking boring for the artist and/or an insult to their talent. Am I just being stupid here? People who know tattoo artists better than me: are they going to hate me, or are they going to be happy with a simple job in exchange for cash? Anyone got anywhere they’d particularly recommend, or should I go with the default choice of Into You?

Home rather earlier than expected from part one of Parental 60th Birthday Bash number 1, lunch at Atul Kochhar’s restaurant, Benares.

I can wholeheartedly and unreservedly recommend it. 45 quid a head (including tip) at lunch for aperitif (rather nice gin-and-mint cocktail) three courses, coffee, and some rather nice wine. And, most importantly, really, really good food.

Sufficiently good, in fact, that I had the vegetarian option (I have been in an uncharacteristic not-eating-much-meat sort of mood for the last week or so) and frankly, think I came out ahead on every course. I could have done with another slice of Aubergine in the Aubergine steak and spring green puree that was my main, but that’s the only criticism I have of the whole meal. The tandoori broccoli with chilli and tomato chutney I had for a starter was easily the finest broccoli I have ever eaten – cooked to perfection, and perfectly spiced. To die for.

I suspect that Saturday lunchtimes may well be their only quiet time (and even then, by 1:30, the place was three quarters full), but it’s well worth the trip. I’ll be going back. One of the nicest and most interesting meals out I’ve had in ages.

Last night’s Nick Cave gig was ace, if slightly plagued with technical troubles. “We Call Upon The Author” was particularly amazing live.

My observation, and I know it’s hardly news: for someone whose lyrics are so important to his songs, Cave’s not half dreadful at remembering them, even when he’s got prompt sheets to hand.

A day and half of beating my head off a problem, trying more and more esotericsolutions, and generally tearing my hair out. No result.

Five minutes of explaining to co-worker. Elementary error spotted and fixed.

Note to self: get cat. Seal it in perspex to prevent allergic reations. Talk to it.

Is anyone round these parts going to see Nick Cave in Hammersmith tonight?

Because I am a nerd, I have an extensive collection of “funny” t-shirts. For various reasons, however, I find myself in need of a genuinely offensive shirt. Something that would actually cause people to dislike a person, purely on the basis of what they were wearing. I don’t want something ironic. I don’t want something “funny”, or the kind of thing that is trying to be offensive, but actually just makes the wearer look a bit of a prick. I’d like something that genuinely sounds like the wearer is trying to pick a fight, just by wearing it. Football shirts are not an option.

I’m not sure if it’s possible – I suspect that actually, the best I can do is “looking a bit of a prick”. But I thought I’d see if any of you were feeling inspired, first. Suggest slogans, or provide links to existing shirts, if you happen to know of anything that really is so massively offensive it can’t be taken merely as evidence of a crap sense of humour.

Edit: I would prefer to avoid racism, if I possibly can. I’m trying for “pick a fight with the world” not “espouse specific repugnant ideology” if that makes sense.

I have loved London as long as I have been old enough to hold an adult opinion of the place. I am, as far as I have politics (since I believe they’re *all* lying scum without a shred of decency, and no fucking exceptions from Gordon Brown down to the lowest councilor) a left wing hippy, so yeah, I’m not fucking happy that Twatface McBigotPants got in. Still, this is London. Bigger than him by such a margin it isn’t true.

We’ll cope. I wish things had turned out different, but we’ll get by. He’s too small, too ultimately pathetic to matter much. London is so much bigger than him, or his pathetic fucking agenda. I can’t call it politics, because politics is “of the city”, and he’s the man from fucking Henley. Fuck him. London is bigger, and we’ll be just fine.

Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.