Material things.

It’s funny how we get attatched to material things, isn’t it? I mean, I have more junk than any sane man should. My room is a tip.

I got home tonight, and found the front door ajar. Someone seems to have been in, and gone through the most ovbious rooms in the flat – the downstairs hall, and my bedroom, which is at the top of the stairs.

Thankfully, my room is a tip. There was only one obvious and easily portable thing of value sitting out in the room.

My Nikon D70.

I’m in tears. I can’t afford another, and we don’t have household insurance, because I was too fucking stupid to get it sorted out in time.

I’m fucked. I owe most of a grand on a camera that I adored, and have now lost and cannot afford to replace, and I’m in tears over it. I would never have thought that loosing a material possession could fuck me up like this.

Shit.

So far this morning:

I have been evacuated from one tube station, walked half an hour back in the direction I came from (on the advice of tube staff) in order to get on another line, and then, just as I was on my way down on the escalator, it was stopped, and a load of armed police came belting down, and I’ve now been evacuated from that station, too.

Teen Angst

A few people have remarked that I seem stressed, lately.

Without becoming tedious about it: yes, I am, for a number of reasons. I am, of course, not the only one, but I’m the only one that I’m repsonsible for. I am endeavouring to do something about the things that I can do something about, but in the short term, I am not likely to magically become a ray of sunshine. (I am aware that “not a ray of sunshine” by my standards is still pretty cheerful by most people’s. That’s because I’m ace, me.)

However: If I am, or have been, short with you, or generally less understanding that I should have been, I can only apologise. I have very little patience at the moment, but that’s not an excuse for not biting my tounge.

Not A Fucking Lizard

In some contexts, this sort of heat is sexy. You know, ceiling fan slowly rotating, orange light spilling through a veneitian blind, illuminating a room with a bed containing an attractive person of appropriate gender wearing not very much aside from a sheen of sweat, bourbon and ice on a rickety table, jazz filtering in from somewhere up the street. Sexy.

London is not sexy in the heat. London is a great mass of sweating stone. I can hear the honk of buses from out the window, I have no venetian blinds or ceiling fan, I am going to the gym shortly, so cannot have the bourbon and ice, and worst of all, there are no attractive naked people in my bed. What’s the point of this sort of heat, then, I ask you?