I started out bored of being nice. It’s only getting worse.

It’s a gorgeous day today. I have no special reason to mention this, expect that I got off the tube at East Acton this morning, with Warren Zevon on the iPod, and it was one of those gorgeous cold Autumn mornings without a cloud in the sky, the air left clean and bright by overnight rain, and it felt great to be alive.

Monday mornings should not be like that. It just sets the rest of the week up to be a colossal disappointment.

So, on with being nice.

stu_n didn’t say in so many words that he wanted me to be nice about him, but he left a comment, and that’s good enough for me.

Of course, everyone will realise that the reason that stu_n didn’t actually say “be nice about me” is that, of course, it’s so very hard. I mean, what can one say about him that hasn’t been said before on wanted posters and warning notices?

It’s true, he’s highly skilled in the arts of inflicting pain, usually through the medium of terrible, terrible jokes. Small children have been known to cry, brave men to turn and flee, and in at least one case, a woman spontaneously combusted after hearing one of stu_n‘s jokes.

It’s also true that his depravity in the kitchen knows no bounds. A police search party for items of no possible culinary use contained in his cupboards. The array of sharp knives had obvious, if chilling, uses, but the flamethrowers and strange oils and acids were less obvious. Most worryingly of all, those guests that escaped reported the the food they were served was “unnaturally excellent”, and admitted that they were concerned about the exact nature of the meats they were served.

Mostly worryingly of all, stu_n is known to be a chemicals expert. Intelligence analysts are known to to concerned over his trips overseas to foreign processing plants, but as yet, they’ve just to catch him carrying anything more incriminating than his duty free (which some might argue is incriminating enough, but still not actually illegal) on his return. Obviously, a mind that twisted and devilish is quite capable of hiding his terrible chemical creations somewhere else, but as yet, no-one has worked out where…

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