Voice of Dissent

Like everyone else, I’ve just been to see Van Helsing.

I loved it. It was the stupidest movie I’ve seen in ages. The script honked, the direction was uninspired, the CGI was laughable. There are plot holes large enough to drive a coach and a team of six horses through. Actually, I’m not sure it has a plot, so much as a selection of holes. And even the bits that might, charitably, not be plot holes, are just bloody stupid.

But I got to watch the Wolfman fighting Dracula. And I got to watch Hugh Jackman fight with everything. And Kate Beckinsale looked pretty. I got exactly what I was expecting out of this film, which was entertainment on a LXG level. Perhaps even better. The plot was made up of holes that justified the next fight scene and that’s it, and that’s what I wanted. And I got to watch the Wolfman smack the shit out of Dracula. I’m not sure how anyone could expect more, having seen the trailer, and knowing it was by the guy that made The Mummy, which is a shit film that seems to have fooled people into thinking it’s in some way good.

In other news, I saw another film today, and if The Saddest Music In The World is playing near you, you shoudl go and see it. It tries to be a little too clever in places, but nonetheless, it’s a interesting examination of the ways nations and families express grief and compete for symapthy, set in Winnipeg in the great depresssion. And Isabellia Rosellini plays a woman with no legs whose prosthetic replacments are filled with beer.

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