Terrible Lies

Survey rubbish doing the rounds, I’m bored, you do the maths…

If you were going to describe your current mood as a traffic sign, what sign would you be?
National Speed Limit Applies.

How long have you lived where you currently live?
Almost exactly two years.

How long do you stay somewhere on average?
Between two and three years, I think.

Do you want a hug?
Not especially right now. I mean, I wouldn’t turn one down, but I’m at work, and it’d be weird.

What is the last article of clothing you purchased?
Pair of leather jeans.

If you could either double your salary or keep your current pay rate at your dream job, which would you choose?
I get a decent amount now, so yeah, dream job. Fuck knows what it is, though. Getting paid to piss around on the internet all day, I suppose.

What’s the story behind your LJ username?
First initial, surname. Gosh, that was exciting, wasn’t it?

So, what’d you do today?
Nothing riveting.

What’s the longest time you’ve stayed out of the country/where?
Two weeks in France. If we allow Scotland as another country, then I lived in Edinburgh for a year.

One thing you’re grateful for, today.

What is your favourite Secondary school memory?
Leaving. I didn’t have a ghastly time there by any stretch of the imagination, but I was utterly fed up of the place after seven years there. Frankly, I think anyone that wasn’t probably had something wrong with them.

What is your worst Secondary school memory?
God, I don’t know. I don’t recall anyting terribly awful happening to me.

Describe your dream wedding:
Someone else’s.

No, that’s not completely true. I feel no particular urge to marry, but if I was sure about spending the rest of my life with someone, then I’d have no objection, either. So, y’know, whatever they wanted, provided it was sensible and tasteful.

Read any good books lately?

What, you want details? I’m currently flitting back and forth between “The Queen’s Conjuror” (a biography of John Dee) and “And The Ass Saw The Angel” (Nick Cave’s novel – a lot better, and funnier, than I remember).

Does size matter?
Yes. I mean, if my iPod was three times the size, it wouldn’t fit in my pocket, and if my camera was half the size, the buttons would be next to impossible to use…

Is 15 minutes enough?
Well, obviously, it depends what for. But assuming that whatever two year old wrote this mean for sex, then I suppose the answer is “sometimes”. A quickie when you’re supposed to be dashing off to do something else, but just can’t keep your hands off each other, for instance, has it’s charms. But all the time? No.

Worst fashion trend?
Fuck knows. Wearing colours.

The school picture you buried in your bottom drawer?
My parents have a few pictures of me from while I was in school. But since I got a new passport, I don’t. Thiking about it, I actually havea bunch of photos and art that I really like in my bottom drawer. One day, I’ll sort them all out, honest.

Do you have any weird fetishes?
I have a thing for dipping people in boiling tar while I sleep with their sisters.

(I may be lying about that.)

What is one thing you will never understand about the opposite sex?
I’ve never got this whole “I don’t understand the opposite sex” thing. Which is not to say I feel I do, just that I don’t think I understand men any better than I do women, so saying I don’t get the opposite sex feels like it’s not really stating the problem, which is more that I just don’t understand humans.

But if I’m forced to pick one thing from the catalogue of things I don’t understand about women, then, obviously, it’s how they manage to resist me?

(I may be lying about that, too.)

Who is your best friend?
Another two-year-old question. I have many, many excellent friends, and could not possibly pick one out of all the others.

Who is your girlfriend?
Well, I’ve gender-preference-corrected this question, but the answer is still the same.

Four things you’re doing right now:
1) This.
2) Downloading an ERD tool so I don’t have to draw diagrams freehand.
3) Chewing gum.
4) That.

Give yourself a porn star name:

Do you have any weird sleeping habits?
Used to, but they mostly seem to be gone now. As of, y’know, last report.

What do you plan to do this summer?
Settle into a new home.

What is your favourite song right now?
“Ain’t Going To Goa” – Alabama 3

Write a line from any song:
“I heard a song through lightning strikes/above the holy city lights” (Tansads, “Drunken Seranade”)

Do you know at least one Disney song by heart?
Probably. Can’t think which, though.

Your typical sleepwear:
Light cotton trousers. T-shirt if it’s cold.

What’s in your purse?
Assuming that one can translate this as “what things do you always carry”, then it’s keys, wallet, iPod, camera, PDA.

What’s in your wallet?
Gym card, SMWS card, Slimelight card, cashcard, oystercard, cash.

How much money do you have in your purse right now?
A tenner.

What is your favourite pair of shoes?
The comfortable black loafer things that I’ve bought new pair of every year since I was about 18.

Do you have naked pictures of any ex’s?
Nope. I have had, but they’re the sort of thing I figure that one should get rid of when the relationship ends.

Does anyone have naked pictures of you?
Not to my knowledge.

What’s your favourite pop?

What are the first five things you would splurge on if you were a billionaire?
1) Property.
2) Tech stuff.
3) Expensive Whisky.
4) Retirement.
5) Something nice for each of my friends.

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