Month: December 2004

#9

It would be fair to say that his family and friends were surprised when nils told them that he was planning to enter that world go-go dancing championships.  But if they were surpised then, it was nothing compared their mounting astonishment as he won first his heats, and then each successive round of the contest, to eventually wind up as the foremost go-go dancer in the world.

nils, of course, remains characteristically modest about his achievements.  “I wasn’t looking for fame and fortune,” he says “it was just something I felt I had to try.”  And it’s true that he seems largely unchanged by his newfound celebrity – he’s returned home to his old flat, and his old job, and life continues much as before.  When asked if he’ll dance again, he just smiles slightly.  “I’m not planning to, but I’ve still got the boots at the back of a cupboard, so I suppose anything’s possible.”

Christmas shopping in the 21st century:

Step One: Head out to shops.
Step Two: Look round shops.  See nothing.
Step Three: Phone Dad to ask what to buy Mum, and vice versa.  Discover that the things they would like cannot easily be bought in shops.
Step Four: Return Home, order on-line.

Next year, I’m not even going to bother leaving the house.

Be afraid…

You’re in terrible danger.  Keep that in mind at all times when dealing with zoo_music_girl.  Don’t let the facade fool you for a second.  And, whatever you do don’t turn your back on her.

Yes, I know you think you’re safe.  I know you think you’re equipped to handle her.  She’s in that room, alone, restrained.  There’s an armed guard on the door.  She’s half your size.

You’re in terrible, terrible danger.

No, those other guys weren’t “just careless”.  They weren’t “poorly trained”.  zoo_music_girl really is as bad as you’ve heard.  We haven’t been able to work out the exact body count yet.

Go on, go in.  Just don’t forget.  Don’t let your guard down.  Not for an instant.  She’ll smile.  She’ll tell you pretty lies.

Then she’ll tear you apart from the inside out.

I Can’t Wait To Get Off Work

I have tomorrow off work. This pleases me, not least because the “feeling faintly rubbish” I’ve been suffering from for about three weeks now is threatening to develop into the fullblown Galloping Lungrot, so I think a bit of a rest is in order. I’m going to get my Christmas shopping done, then go to the cinema, as I haven’t been in a month or so. I’m tempted to just go and see The Incredibles again, but I (heart) Huckabees is out, and looks like it could be fantastic, and I *still* haven’t see Bad Santa. And then I plan to spend the weekend in a coma.

In other news, I am currently hooked on Firewater courtesy of zoo_music_girl. burge and stu_n, I suspect you’d like them, if you haven’t heard them already. You can listen the whole of their last-but-one album on the website, if you fancy giving them a go…

And yes, once more unto the breach…
—
budgie_uk. Where to start? With his glamorous rock star lifestyle? With the trail of broken-hearted women? With the mind-boggling quantities of drugs and booze?

Or what about his work with the St Dymphna’s Home for Limbless Orphans? The tireless hours he dedicates to bring cheer into their otherwise horrific lives with his strange circus tricks? His juggling act, in particular, is something to see, as the children crowd round him as best they can, rolling there on the floor at his feet, clamouring to be the next in the air…

Yes, budgie_uk is a remarkable chap, and no mistake. All the more so, in light of the tragic buffalo accident ten years ago that left him unable to say anything but “Yes, I’ll have two lemons and large jar of bovril, please.”

11 to go…

avariel_wings is the rootinest, tootinest, rassumest, frassumest, meanest varmint west of the Pecos.  I heard that she shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die.  She’s wanted on 4 counts of murder, 12 counts of cattle-rustling, and 1 count of stealing candy from a baby.

When avariel_wings rolls into town, the decent folk hide under the bed.  She’ll drink the saloon dry, win every hand she gambles on, and wear out every man-whore in the place.  And when she’s done all that, she’ll rob the bank, shoot the sheriff, and ride off into the sunset, laughing maniacally, and clutching a last bottle of whisky.

Mellow Doubt

So, checking to see if there’s a new Brookmyre novel coming any time soon (May next year, it turns out), I note that there’s also a new short story, “Mellow Doubt” on his website (at least it’s new to the site). It features someone who… well, it’s a character from one of his novels. Someone you may not have thought you’d see again…

Thought you lot might like a heads-up.